Pride in yourself…brother

Big CedBrothers let’s take a small step back and look at some things. We look at these videos of the women with the voluptuous frames and we love it. We want our women to look that way. We have even come up with new surgeries to enhance the buttocks and breast of women to make them more appealing. What we don’t know or don’t pay attention to is how to make ourselves desirable. We assume a nice house, car and bank account is enough and in some circles it is. But how good are those things when you are so out of shape you can’t enjoy them or satisfy that women you have? The days of you running or playing any sports with your children has faded. The days of satisfying you lady are gone. With all the extra she has and the extra you have, any type of activity is a not enjoyable but more of prison work detail. Some things we can’t fight are genetic issues, but even that in some small instances can be overcome. With all the information on the internet we can find a simple meal plan on eating better and a start physical activity to feel better.  Don’t wonder why your lady is seeking fulfillment elsewhere. You should not be forced to spend hundreds of extra dollars on clothing because you have to shop in a “big mans” store. Black men are some the strongest and most athletic creatures this planet has ever seen, so let’s get back to being that dominate fixture even if it’s at your local sporting event. Let’s be that first pick at football or on the court and that guy who is a permanent fixture in the gym. We owe it to ourselves and our families.

Double Standard

Men I had a very prominent sister ask this question to me. She wanted to know why there is double standard when it comes to black women and white women in regards to their past. Here is an example she highlighted; Kayne West is excited ,and the world had to be notified that Kim Kardashian is pregnant with his baby. Come on fellas I watched the tape and heard all the other BS surrounding her and I have to say I agree with this sister. I mean we know if this was a black woman with this past no one would touch her. We all know of “Super Head” and I wish a brother would come forward saying he is in any type of relationship with her. Our sisters are treated so differently when it comes to how we view them in situations like this. Now I am not saying she has to be a virgin and perfect in all regards but with a small issue such as posing nude we demean them. What about Blu Cantrell? After a nude photo shoot from years prior to her music career she is an outcast. How about the issues involving Halle Berry? No way I would be skipping and bragging about getting this woman pregnant when she was on a world publicized sex tape getting handled by Ray Jay. Only after this was she someone other than the standard high roller toy. Brothers we know all too well if these sisters knew the stuff we have done and are doing we would a lot of explaining to do. Black women have hard enough time lets learn to forgive SOME mistakes.

Men Lets Get It Together!

Gentlemen come on with this BS you are presenting to the world! It’s a known fact that some brothers dodge the gym or any type of physical activity. We suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, and host of other issues a little physical activity can help control. I you still play video games or you watch any sports none of the players are in horrible shape.  Some of you are walking around looking like you are 6 months pregnant. At least having a baby can buy some of the sisters a little time. A man is a warrior and a protector. You don’t have to be chasing bad guys or putting out fires to be in shape either.  When you walk in a room your physical stature is the first thing that is seen. If you walk in looking sickly and doing everything you can to hide your belly its noticed. This can mean the difference in that promotion you wanted.  Other factors play into this as well. When the less than “desirable women” are looking for a man to use they know that with minimal effort they can get you. You will be so caught up in the fact you have her(so you think)  you won’t see the damage she is doing on the other end. Also there is nothing more embarrassing then not being able to keep up in the bedroom because your stamina is off. We hunt those hot, in shape ladies and at the very least we should be able to hang. Drugs are now being used to help them maintain a healthy sex life and this is just wrong. Brothers find a friend and you both join a gym. Trust me it will change your life.

How You Look Attracts Certain Type of Men.

Sisters, ladies do you wonder why certain men seem to be attracted to you? Have you ever thought to yourself about why the man who still lives with him mom is all in your face? What about the guy who has been living off other women his entire life? Maybe it’s the one who is married with four kids just seeks you out. Think about this for a moment, in the jungle or on the range predators seek out the slowest and weakest animals first. They require the least effort to capture. When you go into public you should always look like the best of the bunch. When you look like you don’t care predators see you as an easy target. When I see a woman looking like she just rolled out bed I wonder if she actually understood this principle. Also some of us know sizes now so this also leads into an issue. If you were a size 6 and now are a 10 you have some choices to make. If those pants or so tight when you sit down half your behind is out that’s a problem. If you do get the shirt buttoned and its gripping you so tight we can see your belly button something is wrong. By no means do I mean you have to step out swagged up, however at the very least make an effort. Who knows this might keep that bum away from you and save you some cell minutes or several cry sessions with your girlfriend. Don’t worry ladies the men have theirs coming also.

Really ladies?

So I know some will hate me for this but I have to start this thing. Why is it I always hear the horror stories of how you are going through so much raising your children on your on? I understand if you lost a spouse to death or they are currently away due to the military. What is crazy to me is how some of you got here. For example, I had a coworker tell me how the child’s father met her while installing cable. After finishing the job he asked her out. She decided to go on the date which just so happened to be at his home. Now upon walking in she didn’t notice any furniture. Come on ladies the clue phone is ringing!. Next he states he entertains in the bedroom….REALLY!?!?!?. After the sex, which was bound to happen, you are taking a shower when all of a sudden another woman is beating on the door calling his name. He turns to you and says “Shhhhhh don’t say a word!” You wait for a few hours to make sure the coast is clear  to leave. Later on you find out you are pregnant. By now you have seen this is a deadbeat and don’t plan on having his child. As you mention it he falls out and calls on the Lord for help. Now I am all for a woman’s right to choose. So you have the child, alone, in the hospital. You attempt to let him know and even though he is only one state away (so he says) it takes him over 8 hours to return. When he does he sends a family member to see if you actually had a baby! Now after failed promises and no support you wonder how this could be. Come on lady, woman, sister you decided to have this child with what was a proven piece of dirt. Now your life is filled with all the norm that a child brings as well as the bull that he puts you through when he does pop up. Now you are mad at the world and looking for sympathy…come on. What’s sad is I have a few of these stories and they all start out with the child’s father looking like trash from the very beginning. I wonder how some of you feel? I wish you luck but I can’t help but wonder what were you thinking and now to top it off you walk around with the attitude towards other men.

Why is it that you have to go all fake with the hair?

Ladies several of us men don’t like the lace front wigs that’s going on. The issue is they hinder so much of the fun stuff we can be doing. Outside activities, riding the bike or motorcycle. Going horseback riding or even just going for a run. Also all the make up….I mean at a point some of you look like clowns. Your natural beauty is what most of us want. Its like the sexy night clothes, Adina Howard said “T-shirt and Panties on”. Trust me when I say as a man nothing is sexier than seeing just enough under a T-shirt. In the end we want to get it off anyway. Come one ladies go to a dermatologist and get with it. After all we cant do all that BS.

Why is it you can’t just be a “bed room buddy?”

Ladies what the issue? Some you claim you want someone to come by, do the thang and go. Actually you are lying. You want to get that brother all caught up and then BAM! you got him forever. The issue is he didn’t forget you were a cut buddy first. You think you have it all figured out and you never had a clue. You stated what you wanted and he went with it. Now we do lie sometimes to get some but hey…you know the deal at this point. Also why is it HE is such a bad guy when he tells you he doesn’t anything more than what you have? Come on sister you agreed to that in the beginning. Lets be real…we all need it and want and the less drama to get it the better it is. Also ladies because you are in a sexual relationship with a man does not mean he is obligated to buy you anything…EVER!

To trust or not to trust. That is the question.

The BMD is used the express opinions anonymously if you choose.  I say that to make it clear that what we are looking for is honest and candid opinions.

Now, what I really want to talk about is trust.  Yeah, that word that most of us say we have, but do we really.  This article is full of different subjects but I want to make sure we know this is about trust and hopefully we can all keep our focus. 

I was having a conversation with a friend on this subject and what I discovered is that there really isn’t that much trust amongst a certain age group.  Newly married couples have a false sense of trust based on what I call “Constant Contact”.  Meaning that there is never a time when you, your significant other, or your spouse doesn’t know your whereabouts or what you are doing because you have a constantly established GPS position and have given up your right of individuality and have become a “leash Man or Woman”.  If you can consider that as trust, or individuality with a leash attached that is.  I equate this to almost slavery.  And, yes I did use that word.  Of course, we know this is an awful situation.  However, we (as in men and women) have subjected ourselves to becoming just that.  Slaves (or ATTACHED) to our spouses or girlfriends to a point where there is no individual thought (IT).  IT is looked upon as a bad thing,  to have time that is not completely consumed with wifey or wife, and family.  I think this has led to the rise in the rate of divorce.  Let’s have a candid conversation and just realize that someone or thing  of a considered “higher power” has said that you should only be with one person.  And no I am not talking about god because I haven’t got that message and I like to think we have a personal relationship but I haven’t gotten that one.  Choice is a great gift he gave us and logic might be something to consider.  Now I personally choose monogamy and love the woman I am with for the focus it gives us.  I accomplish some great things when I choose monogamy and focus.  However, I don’t look down on anyone who doesn’t  and I don’t think anyone should.  “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.  Non-judgemental.  Isn’t that what we should all aspire to.  Considering the fact that we are all sinners.  Not trying to sound preachy but just giving an opinion.  Now back to the trust thing I originally wanted this to be about.  Not proper grammar but what the hey.   My friend was having a conversation with married couples.  Younger than both of us but old enough to make grown up decisions.  Now when something doesn’t smell right we call it one thing.  B S !!!!  This is what I got from the conversation I had with him.  I say this because they gave one opinion or even expounded differently when amongst a group of only men.  I assume this would be the case with women as well.  Guys, we have all heard the stories of women being totally different with the similar sex.  I can’t even tell you the stories I have heard in this venue.  I get on a tangent sometimes so forgive me.  But, this question is to ladies and men.  If you could have that moment with the person that is your ideal “sexual partner” which is a myth, in my opinion, with no repercussions would you do it.  Ladies, if you walked in and Denzel or LL had ten to twelve (as in inches) waiting for you and no questions or consequences would come from it. Would you turn it down?  I can’t even expound on men because it is in all honesty a little simpler for us.  See the article on cheating and you will know where I am coming from. Simple doesn’t mean men are simple when it comes to that, but it means we know the difference between 80 and 20.  Yes, I just used a tag line from a movie.  The numbers actually don’t matter. Just know that a man isn’t gonna uproot his home for a piece of ” ***”. Or woman for that matter, even though they might not admit it because they never cheat.  Right ??? Of course we know that is not true and not logical.  Doesn’t make sense and is just plain stupid.  I think most will agree with this.  I have a thousand opinions on this subject but this isn’t what we need.  We need to hear all opinions.  I can’t wait to respond and get back on my soap box.  Please, Please, Please chime in and let everyone know what you think.   Simply put, in the right situation and circumstance would you have a intimate encounter if you knew there were no repercussions.

Are Black Men Really Afraid To Commit?

Are black men really afraid to committ?  Opinions may vary but as far as I am concerned.  No we are not.  I have often had friends come to me talking about how great and how fine his new “Betty” is.  I am happy for them of course.  There is nothing like limerence.  For those who don’t know what limerence is a quick explanation follows.  Limerence is a term coined c. 1977 by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated. The concept grew out of Tennov’s mid-1960s work, when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love, and was first published in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

Ahhhhhhh! The euphoria you feel when you meet her.  You enjoy everything about her.  She is the one.  She is different that the other chicks I’ve dealt with.  These are all common phrases I hear from friends and associates alike when they first meet her.  My response to them is, “That’s cool.  I am happy for you.  It’s up to her not to mess it up”.  Of course this sounds a bit pessimistic to some.  Or, just being real to others.  If we married everyone during the limerence stage can you imagine what the divorce rate would be.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I like to think of myself as a romantic.  I absolutely love the limerence stage.  It feels so good.  At that point.  Then reality sets in.  You’ve gotten to know her a bit more and you realize all those things that you found so fantastic about her are continually being outweighed by the things you find so annoying.  But she was/is the one.  Right???  All these things compounded along with your other single buddies and your married friends in your ear have you second guessing this wonderful woman you have spent the last six to twelve months getting to know. However, she is already ready to take it to the next level so those conversations about marriage come.  Oh yeah.  She is gonna put you on the spot.  Her friends and relatives are gonna do it too.  Ultimatums may even come.  Now, you have been with her long enough to honestly say whether or not you love her.  However, marriage is on the other sided of the chess board and you have deduced that it isn’t time for that right now.  Now you know that makes about as much sense as a football bat to her.  But, it makes perfect sense to you.   So guess what just happened.  You just got labeled as a brother that won’t committ.   Is that really the case?  Not always but sometimes it is.  You want to committ to the limerence.  It felt good.  You know its in there but where did it go.  So youhold on to her and you both become increasingly miserable even though you actually might love each other.  You want that limerance.   I personally believe that true committment can only happen when you realize that you were in limerence and know that it doesn’t last.  But you still love that person through it all.  First you have to love yourself and understand that the committment you need to make is to god.  You marry her but make a committment to him with her.  If you aren’t willing to make that committment with god.  You need to let her go and find someone who you will make that committment with.  That’s only fair.  Chime in and tell us what you think.